another melancholy drama.

when we got what we want and what we need, it doesn't mean
the world will have mutual feelings towards us. that's when we
receive hurdles.

for a lot of times in my life, i have chosen to be the quitter.
put my fate on the ground and see where the wind will blow me to.
Or just hitch a ride with the coming storm and be hit by lightning.
i have always give up hope when i feel like everything is failing me and
i cannot do anything to make things better. I drop things in the middle of the road,
hoping someone would pick it up and mend it for me.

somehow, after so much of not trying to make things work for myself,
i took my chances and put on effort so that things will work for me.
in making that happen, i have crushed somebody else's dream. someone else's future which
they have planned on for years. In return, i got what i want but with complications.

rejection and hatred.

faced with two things that i am most weak at, i almost collapse.
i tried to patch up things to at least create a new dream for those i've crushed.
taking responsibility is a must. putting a fake smile is an easy task that i do everyday.
starting a conversation which is mostly replied with rejection, i am immuned to already.
supress the old feelings, putting aside my pride, i am still learning to be an expert on it.

emotionally, i've been much better and i hope things are working out well for others too.
i certainly cannot predict the future, but i can only plan.

sometimes, u've had that 80% which u need. but the 20% that u're not getting is just too enticing when it appears in front of u.

and most of the times, we gave up the 80% we've had and it took a very long period to realize that what a big mistake we have done and there's
nothing we can do to turn back time.

as for now, let's not repeat those silly mistakes shall we?


"little that I know, some people would give up the world for me. but i knew too little to realize that offer earlier."

perhaps I would have another offer standing if I'm lucky enough.


p/s: i realized i wrote more melancholic post than happy energetic ones.